Even In Death, Our Love Goes On
by ImaginaryMoonlight
Summary: SPOILERS FOR COHF. Jonathan and Clary oneshot. After Jonathan's death, he comes to visit Clary one last time, for a proper goodbye.


Clary was sat at her desk in the Institute, her mind lost in another realm, as it always was when she was drawing. They had burned Jonathan earlier that day, and the image of her brother's corpse going up in flames was still fresh in her mind. She thought she would rejoyce when her brother met his demise, but all she felt was loss, pain and an unburdening sadness for her older brother who never even fully existed. She wished she could bring Valentine back to life if only to kill him again, to punish him for destroying Jonathan. She also wished for Jonathan to return to life, a life he should have got.

Looking down at her drawing, Clary realized what she had been drawing. Jonathan. His ivory hair was smoothed down, creating the look of an innocent young boy. His lips were pulled into a shy smile. And his eyes, prominent and emerald green, stood out the most. This is what her brother should have been like. Not the monster Valentine turned him into.

Sighing, Clary put her head in her hands. So much had happened over the last few days. She had been to Hell and back, literally. She had fought countless demons, lost her virginity, battled an evil army, and lost her brother and her best friend on the same day. _Simon..._ Clary missed him so much. She would give anything to have him back.

Suddenly, a low whoosing sound filled Clary's room. It was abrupt, ending quickly. Clary lifted her head, and looked around her room to find out where the sound had come from. When she turned around, her heart stopped beating. Standing in the middle of her room, dressed all in white, with an anxious look on his face, was Jonathan. He looked exactly like he did in the drawing. Clary stood up from her seat, and slowly walked over to her brother.

"Jonathan?"Clary whispered, not believing he was actually in front of her. It must be some sick trick her mind was playing on her. Hadn't she had enough heartbreak? Jonathan smiled at her.

"Hello Clary." He replied, his voice soft and gentle. Clary could feel her throat tighten as she held back tears.

"How-how are you here?" She asked.

"The Angel granted me a wish. A few minutes here so I could see you." Jonathan said, stepping closer to Clary, who blinked in surprise.

"The Angel? You mean-" Clary said in realisation. Jonathan nodded in response.

"I was granted forgiveness at the last moment. For at the end, I was not Sebastian Morgenstern. I was Jonathan Fairchild." He murmured, a sense of pride in his voice when he proclaimed himself a Fairchild. Clary felt her heart skip a beat when he smiled at her, with all the love and affection of a brother.

"Why are you here?" Clary asked, wanting to reach out and hold her brother's hand, that hung limply at his side. She could see the dark red mark on his chest from where she had stabbed him peeping out of his partly undone collar, and felt a sense of guilt that she had been the one to ram the blade into her brother's heart.

"Because I wanted to see you. I wanted to speak to you. To say all the things I never got a chance to say before I was gone." He admitted, tears welling up in his emerald green eyes. "Would you mind if we sat down?" Clary gestured to her bed, and Jonathan walked past her towards it, and when his hand brushed hers, she heard him take a sharp intake of breath. He sat down on her bed and patted the space next to him. Clary obidiently sat down next to her brother, looking down at her hands folded in her lap.

"What are you going to tell me?" Clary enquired, not making eye contact with Jonathan.

"I have spent so long trying to think of the right words to say. I know you can never forgive me for the horrid things I did while I was Sebastian. I murdered Hodge and Max. I took Jace from you. I tried to.. I tried to rape you. I turned countless Shadowhunters into heartless monsters. I tried to destroy the world. I tried to force you to love me. But know that if I could take it all back, I would. I would give anything to live a normal life with you and our mother. I was raised with anger, fear and pain, when all I ever wanted was to be accepted and loved. But no one could ever love a monster. Not even Valentine, when he himself was one. He took me away from you and mum before I was even born. I spent so long in the darkness, always trying to break free. I never wanted to hurt you, or anyone. I guess what I'm trying to say, Clary...is that I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." Jonathan poured his heart out, and when Clary finally looked up at him, she saw his cheeks were stained with tears, his eyes rimmed red. Clary reached her hand out to wipe away his tears, and when she rested her palm on his cheek, he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. He brought up one of his own hands and held hers to his face.

"I wish things could have been different for us, brother. I wish that Valentine had not corrupted your soul before it even had a chance at life. I wish we could have been raised together, and things would not be this way. I'm so sorry Jonathan. I forgive you, I can never forgive Sebastian. He was evil, but you are kind and good. And I am so sorry this happened to you." Clary was a blubbering mess now, tears dropping into her lap. Jonathan quickly wrapped his arms around her and tightly hugged her, his entire body shaking.

"It's not fair. It's not fair. All I wanted was this." He angrily sobbed, clutching at Clary like he never wanted to let her go. Clary returned his hug, determined to make these last moments with her brother special. "All I wanted was someone to love, and for someone to love me in return."

"I wish I could love you like you deserve. But, Jonathan, I hardly know you." Clary whispered.

"I hardly know myself." He replied, a melancholy tone to his choked up voice. "I hope you and Jace have a happy life together. He deserves you. Just, promise me one thing."

"What is it?" Clary asked.

"If you and Jace have a son, I would be honoured if you called him Jonathan. After the boy who never got to live. Give him the life I should have had." Jonathan's voice wavered at the end, and Clary knew he was fighting back a fresh wave of tears.

"I promise, Jonathan." And Clary meant it. Without warning, Jonathan pulled away from the hug, and stood up, staring at the ceiling as if someone from above was speaking to him. Clary stood up next to him.

"I have to go back now." He said, and a panicked look came over his features, more tears spilling down his cheeks." I-I don't want to go. I want to stay with you. I don't want to go back!" He yelled, and wrapped his arms around Clary once more, holding her tight against him. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and sobbed violently, a desperate and mournful wail. Clary continued sobbing, and kissed the top of Jonathan's head.

"We'll see each other again one day. We'll be together again." Clary reassured her brother. Jonathan was proof there was an afterlife, and she knew for sure she would meet her brother in it.

"I'll wait for you. However long it takes." He responded, lifting his head up to rest against her forehead. His eyes were tightly shut, as if in pain, and then he opened them, studying her features, drinking them all in, for he knew it would be a very long time before he ever saw her again. He kissed her on the forehead. "I'll always be with you." He whispered. Clary shut her eyes, trying to hide her pain.

"Goodbye Clary." He murmured, before stepping out of her grasp. And when Clary opened her eyes, the room was empty. Jonathan was gone. Clary curled inwards on herself, wrapping her arms tightly around her shuddering frame before sinking to the floor.

"Goodbye Jonathan." She tearfully whispered, before letting her emotions completely take over.


End file.
